Spoof of an online-sex conversation.

>
>Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as
>"cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared
>through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy.  However, as you'll
>see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript 
>of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of cyber sex.
>Then again, maybe he does...
>
>Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
>
>Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high
>heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements
>are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
>
>Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on
>a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also
>wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from
>dinner...it smells funny.
>
>Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
>
>Wellhung: OK
>
>Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the
>stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into
>your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and
>begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
>
>Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
>
>Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
>
>Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
>
>Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
>
>Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
>
>Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk
>slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and
>rubbing.
>
>Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a
>hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
>
>Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
>
>Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
>
>Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft
>breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
>
>Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck.
>Do you have any scissors?
>
>Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back
>undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my
>breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
>
>Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting
>the clasp.
>
>Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your
>tongue all over me.
>
>Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
>breasts. They're neat!
>
>
>Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm
>nibbling your ear.
>
>Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
>phlegm.
>
>Sweetheart: What?
>
>Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
>
>Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of
>my blouse.
>
>Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with
>a plop.
>
>Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your
>hard tool.
>
>Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
>
>Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
>
>Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over,
>in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
>
>Sweetheart: What's the matter?
>
>Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
>
>Sweetheart: Are you OK?
>
>Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
>
>Sweetheart: Can I help?
>
>Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling
>through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
>
>Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
>
>Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
>
>Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
>
>Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
>
>Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
>
>Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet.
>And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost.
>Where's the bedroom?
>
>Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
>
>Wellhung: I found it.
>
>Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so
>badly.
>
>Wellhung: Me too.
>
>Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked
>bodies pressing each other.
>
>Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
>
>Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
>
>Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the
>glasses on the night table.
>
>Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
>
>Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room
>and toward the bathroom.
>
>Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
>
>Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for
>the toilet. I lift the lid.
>
>Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
>
>Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle,
>but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
>
>Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
>
>Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper.
>Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my
>way.
> 
>Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
>
>Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in
>your...you know...woman's thing.
>Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
> 
>Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss
>your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
>
>Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand
>it another second! Slide in!  Screw me now!
>
>Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
> 
>Sweetheart: What?
>
>Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
>
>Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look
>on my face.
>
>Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all
>floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
>
>Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my
>underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
>
>Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table.
>I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,
>picture frames and your candles.
>
>Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
>
>Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of
>our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing
>at it, a shocked look on my face.
>
>Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
>
>
>Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
>
>Sweetheart: *logged off*
>